::By Edge::

Edge: ::Sulking::
Orton: Awww...poor Edge...
Edge: ...
Orton: You know what always cheers me up? Belittling people! ::Yells out:: Hey! BENJAMIN!
Shelton: ...::Walks over:: Yes?
Orton: .....
Shelton: ....
Orton: ....
Shelton; ...Well?
Orton: ...YOU SUCK! ::Laughs hysterically::
Shelton: ::Looks at Edge::
Edge: ..::Shrugs::
Shelton: Can I go now?
Edge: Whatev...

::Shelton walks off disregarding Orton::

Orton: ::On the floor laughing hysterically:: Ohhh! Ohhhh man! That was great! ::Gets up and starts leaning on Edge laughing:: Ahahahaha-
Edge: Do you mind?!
Orton: ..Just trying to add some humor in your life, man.
Edge: Don't you have a Cena to go bother?!
Orton: For the last time, that jerk KNOWS what he did! ::Glares::
Edge: What'd he do?
Orton: I don't wanna talk about it...
Edge: Anyway...I think I should apologize to Lita...
Orton: O.O WHAT?!
Edge: Apologize...
Orton: O.O..
Edge: Saying "I'm sorry?"
Orton: ::Tilts his head::
Edge: Admitting that you are in the WRONG and wanting to MAKE UP for it.
Orton: ::Tilts his head the other direction::
Edge: You have to be the most dense-
Orton: No no! I've got water in my ears! ::Hits his ear:: There we go. Now, c'mon mann. You're Rated R! We're Rated RKO! Which means our parental advisory level is through the roof! We don't apologize! Ever!
Edge: Ever?
Orton: E-EEEEVER!
Edge: Don't steal...
Orton: Oh, this coming from Mr. "I single-handedly ruined Matt Hardy's career?"
Edge: HEY!

::Silence::

Edge: ..What career?
Orton: Well-::Realizes:: Ohhhhhh!

::Edge and Orton laugh::

Orton: That was good!
Edge: I know...
Orton: Anyway, don't apologize...
Edge: Why not?
Orton: Because apologizes are for pussies! And you're not a pussy! Don't worry, I'll get it all taken care of.
Edge: ...
Orton: Trust me! ::Orton pose::
Edge: ..Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

::Later::

Edge's voice over: So I didn't really listen to Orton because...well he's stupid. I went to Lita..

Edge: Lita, we need to tal-O.O OH MY GOD!
Orton: ::Dressed as Lita::

::Silence::

Edge: O.O...
Orton: I thought this would help because you miss her...
Edge: O.O...
Orton: And wait a minute! You disobeyed me! You said "So fuck my rules, man!" And went to go see Lita!
Edge: O.O...
Orton: Wanna see the thong?
Edge: ...::Runs to the bathroom::
Orton: Edgeeee...::Puts his hands on his hips:: C'monnn..don't do this!

::Matt Hardy covered Ortlita's eyes::

Matt: Guess who?
Orton: ::Smirks and Lita voice:: Ooooh. Who could it be?
Matt: V-ONE ::Turns Orton around:: O.O AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Orton: What? It Just Feels Right!
Matt: ::Runs off screaming::

::Jeff Hardy walks up eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich::

Jeff: ...In my opinion, you know how to work that top. ::Slaps Orton on the butt then walks off eating his sandwich::
Orton: O.O...

::In the bathroom::

Edge: ::Vomiting:: HERRRRRRUYUUHHHLUEHHHHRUH! That was TERRIBLE!
Matt: ::In the stall next to him:: VONEUHHHHERYUHHHHHAHLUHHH! I agree!
Edge: I can't...I can't believe we agree on someth-::Vomits:: INNNYHHHLUHHRUHAHHHH!
Matt: I know! It's ridiculou-UHHHHHHHHHHHRUYHHLHAKPUHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

::Edge and Matt Hardy catch their breathes::

Jeff: ::Outside the bathroom:: I don't see what the big deal is. She was hot! I'd explore her caves with my lighter of imag-i-nation!

::Silence::

Jeff: ..That means I'd take her out to the dinner. ..Then we'd go paint abstract things!
Edge: ::Comes out of the stall:: Oh man...
Matt: ::Comes out of the stall:: I will not die...but I will feel sick for a little while....

::Edge and Matt Hardy glare at each other::

Matt: ...I don't do this often but...
Edge: Huh?
Matt: You obviously need help getting over Lita.
Edge: I do not!
Matt: Trust me, I know you do. This is a stage of denial!
Jeff: In our eyes, Denial is just a six letter word! ::Jeff Hardy gyrations::
Edge: ...
Matt: We, being the Hardy Boyz, would like to help you.
Edge: YOU?! Help ME?!
Matt: I know it sounds weird ::Jeff Hardy was still gyrating in the back:: But Bros Before Ho's man...
Edge: .We're not bros though...
Matt: Look, you want the help or not?!
Edge: Fine...you guys can hel-::Glares at Jeff:: Do you MIND?!
Jeff: ::Gyrating still:: ^_^ o.o...::Stops slowly::
Edge: Okay Hardyz...you work with me...I work with you...and then that's it! We're back to hating each other.
Matt: Agreed!

::Edge and Matt Hardy shake hands while Jeff Hardy jirated again::

Jeff: ..Eww. you guys didn't wash your hands!

::Edge and Matt glare at him::

Matt: Anyway, this is the biggest thing in wrestling history!
Edge: People will be so shocked! Edge and Matt Hardy? Nothing can top this!

::Somewhere at the movies::

::Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels come out of Happy Feet together::

HBK: See? I told you no one would care..
Bret: You're right...so I guess it's back to hating each ot-::HBK superkicked him:: OWWWWWW!
HBK: ::Snickered in Spy vs. Spy fashion then snuck off::

::By Lita::

Candice: And then I said "Snapple Apple? How bout Apple Snapple?" ::Laughs:: Get it?

::The divas are quiet...Ashley headbangs::

Candice: ::Waves her magic wand around::

;:Everyone begins laughing::

Maria: The wand made me laugh at Candice's wonderful joke!
Ashley: Wow that joke had MEGA DETH! Those comedians, you CRUSH EM Candude!
Candice: "Candude?"
Torrie: I really miss my dogs...
Victoria: Pizza's here!

::The divas cheer::

Victoria: And a special omlette for Lita!
Lita: Yay...
Ashley: C'mon dude. Cheer up! You gotta Come Out Swingin! Do it for your Offspring!
Melina: You know if I wanted to hear song titles, I'd go to my iPod?
Mickie: Shut up Melina.
Melina: You shut up!
Lita: I miss Edge...
Kristal: C'monnn...you don't like chillin with the divas? Ehh? ::Nudges her:: We're like your diamonds. ::Nudge:: Diamonds on your side. Di-Diamonds on your-
Lita: ::Kicks Kristal then gives her the trademark Lita DDT::
Everyone: O.O...
Ashley: Man! She-
Everyone: NO MORE PUNS!!!!
Ashley: ...::Looks around nervously::
Everyone: ::Glaring at her::
Ashley: ..::Fastly:: PIZZA TIME! ::Eats her pizza::

::Everyone groans::

Maria: Lita, you didn't have to DDT Kristal...
Layla: Is it because she's a person of color?
Lita: No! An-..who the hell are you?
Layla: I won the diva sear-::Got kicked then DDT'd also::
Lita: Anyone else got a problem?! I dare someone to say somethin!
Melina: ...::Pokes Mickie's side::
Mickie: ::Jumps up:: Hey! Don't do that! That ti-
Lita: ::Gives Mickie one next::
Melina: ::Snickers in Spy vs. Spy fashion then sneaks off::
Maria: ...Candice! Do something!
Candice: Well-
Lita: ::Grabs Candice's wand::
Candice: WAIT! SPARE THE ROD! SPOIL THE CHILD!
Lita: ..What??
Candice: The wand has powers! If you touch it for too long you might get shocked.
Lita: No I won't! It's not real! It's fa-
Candice: ::Quickly takes out a tazer then shocks Lita::
Lita: O.O AHHHHHHHHH! ::Falls and twitches::
Candice: ::Grabs her wand::
Divas: Oooooooooooooh!
Ashley: Man! The Wand is What I've Always Wanted!

::Everyone glares::

Ashley:...
Victoria: I hate to say it, but the girl with the big sweaty boots (Ashley: Ashley! My name's Ashley!) is right...if I had a wand like that, everything would be great...
Jillian: Yes, I agree, but we gotta figure out a way to help out Lita...
Maria: O.O HOLY CRAP! JILLIAN'S HERE!
Jillian: ::Glares::
Torrie: Well considering that she's foaming at the mouth, we're doing a horrible job at helping her out...
Maria: ::Pushes Candice hard:: CANDICE! HAVE YOUR WAND DO SOMETHING!
Candice: ...::Taps Lita in the stomach with the wand:: There. See? She stopped twitching. I saved her.
Maria: Yayyy!
Candice: Do you have any ideas Kelly Kelly?
Kelly: Well...what we could do is...

::A mic lowered slowly::

Kelly: We could um....we coullllld uhhh...we could uhhhh...
Kennedy's voice: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT  YOU GIRLS HAVE TO SAY!!

::Kelly goes flying back from the mic::

::Spotlight on Kennedy::

Kennedy: Ladies and Gentlemen...I am currently at Fat Tony's Pizza, where I am now officially two hundred and forty...FOUR POUNDS! Victoria's fat free pizza really helped...I might bring it to GREEN BAY WISCONSINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! I am....MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR......KENNEDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

::Kennedy stands on a table where Kendrick and London were eating::

Kendrick: Dude! My pizz-
Kennedy: ::Gets in his face:: KENNEDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY....
London: Check please....
Kennedy: ::Gets off the table then goes back to the divas:: Wow! What do we have here? ::Checks a name tag:: "Layla" ::Checks another one:: "Kristal" ...Well I can tell that's Mickie James. Look at those HOT SEXY LEGS!
Divas: ...
Kennedy: HOT SEXY LEGS....and whoa! What happened to Lita?!
Maria: Candice's magic wand...
Kennedy: Magic wand?!
Ashley; Oh! Oh! Oh! It's ma-gic!
Kennedy: I am aware of the song MASSHOLE!
Ashley: Burned...
Maria: Sweaty Boot Burned too...
Ashley: ::Glares::
Maria: Hey, at least you ain't get Math'd...
Ashley: Touché dude...touché...

::Kelly Kelly got up slowly::

Kennedy: Magic Wand? ::Notices Kelly:: That's ::Yells in Kelly's face:: RIDICULOUS!!! ::Kelly goes flying back again::
Victoria: It's true!

::Everyone turns to Ashley::

Ashley: ...What?

::Everyone groans::

Kennedy: The one time we WANT you to PUN you don't DO IT! ::Points at her:: FAILURE!!!!
Ashley: ...
Kennedy: ..Aren't you going to say something?
Ashley: So you can say it twice? Not lik-
Kennedy: FAIILLLLLURRRRRRRRREEEEE! ::Hits her with the mic::
Ashley: Ow!
Kennedy: ...So we've got a magic wand and a passed out Lita...
Maria: Lita's upset cause she lost her boyfriend...her and Edge had a fight cause Lita is leaving us..
Ashley: Yeah dude...she's on the Boulevard of Broken...forget it.
Kennedy: Good! She's learninnnnng! ...Learninnnnng....
Ashley: ::Looks down and sings quietly:: I walk alone..I walk alone...
Kennedy: So wait just a minute! Back it up!
Torrie: ::Raises the roof then pulls up her pants some::
Kennedy: Torrie! Please! Dignity!
Torrie: ::Looks down:: I miss my dogs...
Kennedy: Edge and Lita are broken up?! No more Ledge?! Lita's LEAVING?!
Candice: Yup.
Maria: AND THE MAGIC WAND IS GONNA MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER! Right Candice?
Candice: ::Rolls her eyes:: Go Daddy...
Maria: ::Hugs Candice:: I love you!
Kennedy: So...where do I fit into this?
Jillian: Technically you don-
Kennedy: WHO ASKED YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
Jillian: ....
Everyone; YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....
Jillian: ..I don't need this shit. ::Gets up::...:: DX Crotch chops everyone then leaves::
Kennedy: She'll be back....but you know what? Edge is cool. And Lita? She's cool too! And since Christmas is right around the corner!
Maria: O.O REALLY?! ::Turns behind her and punches Paul London in the back of the head::
London: OW! WHAT THE HELL?!
Maria: Take THAT Christmas!
London: ::Sighs:: CHECK PLEASE!

::Everyone looks at Victoria::

Victoria: ..Oh yeah! It's my restaurant! ::Laughs:: Oh man that's bad...sorry Paul! ::Goes to serve him and Kendrick::
Kennedy: Santa Kennedy....Kennedy...is going to help get their relationship back on the right track!
Maria: With help from Mrs. Clause? AKA Mrs. Candice?? And her wand??
Candice: Stop nominating me for things...
Kennedy: ...Kay.
Maria: Yayyy! This is gonna be the best Christmas ever! ::Looks behind her:: UNH! ::Punches Paul London again:: Ya hear that Christmas?! We're waiting for ya!
London: STOP DOING THAT!
Kendrick: It's kinda funny...::Waves to Ashley:: Hi Ashley!
Ashley: Leave me alone I'm sad...
Kennedy: Hey! She didn't pun!
Ashley: ::Sighs;: I gotta start Breaking The Habit.

::Everyone groans::

::Kelly Kelly finally gets up again::

Kennedy: ::Glares at her::
Kelly: O.O! ::Runs off::
Kennedy: Get back here! Let me harass you! ::Follows her::

::A week later::

::In the RAW Locker room::

Orton: ::Dancing around listening to Linkin Park:: I'm breeeeeaking the haaaaaabit! I'm breeeeeeaking the habiiiit-
Edge: Why the hell are you singing?!
Orton; I thought it'd be a nice segway..
Edge: Segway into what?
Orton: I dunno...
Matt: Alright! Lets get this plan underway!
Edge:Where's Jeff?

::Jeff came in gyrating again::

Jeff: 'Sup ya'll!
Edge: ..Why does he have braids?
Orton: I dunno, maybe he's trying to be Pai..
Edge: ::Looks at the camera:: Ya just had to throw it in there. Huh Five Star? ::Looks back to Orton:: Anyway-we kinda made up. I mean, I gave her a great going away present. Carlito sang happy birthday for her!
Carlito: ::Walks up:: Carlito heard his na-..::Looks at Jeff::
Jeff: ::Gyrating::
Carlito: ...Carlito heard his name.
Orton: Yeah? And?? This is a Rated RKO Conversation! So C your way out of it!
Carlito: ...What??
Edge: Just go. Pay him no mind.
Carlito: ::Nods then leaves::
Matt: I was there for that! You gave her a better present than I did...the best I got her was a bag of Doritos and a foot massage.
Snitsky: You charmer you! ^_^
Edge: ..Can we move this from the RAW Locker Room?
Matt: Agreed.
Orton: Agreed.
Jeff: Word.

::In Stephanie McMahon and Triple H's tour bus::

Orton: OMG! It's like a house!
Edge: Yeah, that's great. But anyway...things were better until that night..we had a fight after I heard her music...
Matt: ..That bad?
Edge: ::Nods::
Jeff: You guys just don't have a musical mind. Explore the mind. Explore the cave. Imag-i-nate...
Edge: ....
Matt: ::Pats Jeff's head:: Anywayyy...so you basically ruined everything.
Edge: Yeahhh...
Orton: WOW! They have a faucet in here!
Edge: She's not talking to me. She's not returning any calls. ::Sighs:: I hate to sound all emo but I miss her...it's not gonna be the same celebrating Christmas without her...
Matt: Yeahhh...I remember the first time I got her a Christmas gift she loved...
Edge: Yeah I was there...

::Flashback::

Lita: ::Opens a present:: O.O NIN-TEN-DO-SIX-TY-FOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::Begins to go ballistic over the gift::
Matt: ^_^
Edge: ^_^
Jeff: ::Gyrates:: ^_^

::Christian is blocked out of the scene due to copyright restrictions::

::Flashback ends::

Orton: Oh sure, flashback without me...::Thuds are heard:: What the?

::Orton, The Hardyz and Edge look outside::

B.G. James: DUMB TO THE EXTREME!
Kip James: TNAAAAAAA!
Edge: ...Just ignore them. They'll go away. ::The thuds continue:: I gotta do something to rectify this...
Matt: Well you can sleep with one of her best friends. Oh WAIT! That doesn't work! That emotionally SCARS people!
Orton: ::Laughs:: That was funny. Matt's bitter. I love it.
Matt: ::Glares::
Jeff: ::Gyrates::
Edge: I wonder what Lita is doing right now...

::By Lita::

::In Toronto::

Trish: ::Singing:: Girl, I been shaking, sticking and moving tryna to get you andthat booty! Tryna get to you and that booty! Tryna get to you and that booty! Girl, I been shaking and acting a donkey tryna to get you andthat monkey! Tryna to get you and that monkey! Tryna to get you and that monkey!

Lita: ::Runs up:: What you gonna do when I bend the block (Trish: Bend the block) Pull up on that ass in a brand new drop (Trish: Brand new drop) Speakers on blast with tremendous knock (Trish: 'Mendous knock) TV's in the dash, rims just won't stop! You need to be down with a pimp like me! I aint turning down nothing but my collar, you see! I'm a leave you with my number, you should hollar at me! Cuz I'm a baller, can't nobody hustle harder than me, oooh

Trish: ::Singing:: Girl, I been shaking, sticking and moving tryna to get you andthat booty! Tryna get to you and that booty! Tryna get to you and that booty! Girl, I been shaking and acting a donkey tryna to get you andthat monkey! Tryna to get you and that monkey! Tryna to get you and that monkey!

::Lita and Trish laugh::

Lita: See? This is what I needed. Two best friends. In tank tops, boy shorts, n socks just hangin out. Being...well friends!
Trish: Yeah! I missed this! I really did!
Lita: Awww!

::Gangsta's Paradise plays on the iPod next::

Trish/Lita: O.O Ohhhhhhhh!

::Trish and Lita bop rhythmlessly::

Both: As I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death-::They keep going::

::Outside::

Kennedy: O.O What the HELL are they doing?!
Candice: I dunno...
Maria: Me neither...but it looks like they been spendin most their lives livin in a gangsta's paradise...::Bops::
Kennedy: Why is she here?
Candice: She won't leave me alone...
Kennedy: I see...then why is he here?
CM Punk: This is the only way I get to see my girlfriend.
Kennedy: Touche....touche...
CM Punk; Pretty sad I know...
Kennedy: ::Looks at Candice:: Wait, aren't you with Shelton?
Candice: Punk meant Maria...and yeah I'm with Shel-daddy, but look at this equation. Shelton + Nintendo Wii + PS3 = No Sex For Candice Till 2007...
Kennedy: O.O Wow...you divas know equations?! MAN! RAW SMARTENS YOU GIRLS UP!
Candice: Hey!
Kennedy: What?! I was being too NICE! I have to be MEAN!! ...MEANNNNNNNNNNNNN!
CM Punk: You weren't in OVW with him, so be greatful...
Maria: ::Boppin from side to side::
CM Punk: Can we go to dinner now?
Maria: Not unless the wand tells me t-
Candice: Go! The Wand Says Go!
Maria: Really? Can the Wand transport us there? ^_^
Candice: ::Sighs then taps her on the head with the wand::
Maria: ..Wait a minute, I'm still here! Why haven't I left ye-::Gets a rock thrown at her:: O.O ::Collapses::
CM Punk: ::Catches her:: Hey!
Candice: Wake her up when you get to the restaurant.
CM Punk: ...
Candice: Yeah! I'm tellin you want to do! You're Candice Michelle's Punk! ::Flexes:: Bitch!
CM Punk: You-
Kennedy: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN...
CM Punk: ::Just drags Maria off::
Kennedy/Candice: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNN...

::They both laugh then stop::

Kennedy: ...So uh..
Candice: I umm...
Kennedy: Lita!
Candice: Yeah. Lita...

::Lita and Trish were still being stupid in Trish's house::

Candice: You know what? Umm...my wand says they should be fine...
Kennedy: My mic says the same...the same..
Candice: You wanna...get somethin to go-daddy-eat?
Kennedy: Sure...sure...

::Candice and Kennedy walk off. Candice leans on Kennedy::

Kennedy: H'oh crap...

To Be Continued